I’ve appreciated life so dearly this week and yet at the same time I feel heavy and emotionally exhausted. I’m sleeping well but feeling like I could be back in bed in a blink. I’ve considered that it could be I’m fighting a cold or similar such ailment. Maybe this is true as I’ve been taking coconut oil for a vaguely sore throat. The life clock keeps ticking by though and I can’t get those seconds back, so I’m in it, I’m participating. There are odd days when despite all rational thought, just participating is an effort. Today I cried three times, once in a quick and quiet exhaustion and twice with love, power and pride.
There’s a difference between participation and killing it but I’m doing ok today. Though you should see my house, it is the thing that I could let go this week in an attempt to get everything else done. In the context of my low energy the last few days, today when it came time for my first session with my Fernwood Waurn Ponds trainer Ngaire it was all I could do to show up. While I waited to be with Ngaire it was so quiet compared to my everyday world, so I tweeted a little and existed without all the background noise of home. “There is motivating music going but the solitude is like silence anyway”.
I didn’t have a question in my mind about showing up to my appointment despite my mindstate and perceived exhaustion, because my trainer Ngaire has offered her energy to me and I’m right there with her. Through the tired I know that with Ngaire, I can find and grow my inner solace and.. other stuff that I don’t know about yet becuase these are fresh new steps for me.
I’ve been in at Fernwood Waurn Ponds a good few times now sorting out my membership and my interest in blogging my fitness trip. Today I realised how easy it was going to be to blog about the centre itself. The staff are always delightful in the most genuine way. Whilst it never feels crowded there is also always a steady flow of people around which I like. They have small touches of caring, little displays of affection around. Will come back and add a photo xx
So I had my first workout. It was good. It was an escape. Many times I had to close my eyes to get out of my body so that it could do the work. I was reminded that mentally I am super strong, and can tell my body to do what it needs to do. I felt alive. Jelly-ish and on the verge of tears. Ngaire helped me stretch at the end, I felt like it was the beginning of stretching back into my self, like a newborn baby opening it’s arms up after birth.
I have a lot of hope.