The more I move in the wider community – you know: outside this comfortable bubble of familiar women and children that have blessed the first years of my growing family, the more I am struck by an recurring theme that I want to talk about today. The thing is that women don’t talk about motherhood with any gloss any more. So get off cymbalta much so that you wonder if anyone is enjoying the job. It feels like lots of flat unhappiness at the food prep and the organisation and the mundane. I can of course connect with those elements of the experience, but I yearn for greater focus on the blessing of it.
I’ve had a seed in my brain that it might just be that we are waiting on permission to do that. Permission to break an expectation we feel. Are we dulling down our own expressions of what we experience as mothers, to connect with the message we are hearing so commonplace in our media and friendship groups?
So today I’m giving permission and I’m saying all the things that I believe we need to hear on some days.
It’s ok to love being a Mum. Not just to like it – you know – some of us do LOVE being a Mum. If that’s you. Just be you. You don’t have to dull down your enthusiasm to fit in with the crowd hey?
It’s ok to practice gentle parenting. Gentle parenting isn’t weak parenting or parenting without boundaries. It is an expression of respect and an act with the purpose of perpetuating kindness in our world. When your child grows with respect for you, they also grow to talk with you and to know you which makes parenting older children a great space to be in.
It’s ok to connect with your children. To enjoy their company. To think they are ace people. It’s ok to play with them for hours on end, forsaking something else you value.
It’s ok to reject violence. To parent respectfully and in a way that tells your children that violence against others is not ok. You are not raising an issue for society, you are probably contributing to a solution. You are teaching your sons and daughters to express their hormonal rushes through sports and other physical activity rather than in violence against others, and to express their thoughts and feelings in words.
It’s ok to think about immunisation and have a conversation about it with your health care providers. It’s OK to form your own opinions about this and to approach health care as a thinking person. Whatever you decide is ok! You can be a crunchy mama and a caring, responsible parent no matter what decision you make. These decisions are not easy. It’s ok to talk about your decisions with others, or not!
It’s ok to be fussy about your kids food. It doesn’t have to be for an allergy; you can just care about their health. If someone else doesn’t understand your reasoning, you don’t have to justify it. Even when you feel like the whole world is just eating away on their food drugs and here you are being odd about a piece of bread or a smidge of sugar. Yep. That’s just fine. Raise your kids on clean food all you like and don’t feel that you have to apologise for it. Be vegan [I’m not!] and understand how to rock that for your family. Know what works for your family and do that, trust your instincts about what is creating health in your family and trust your chosen care providers to guide you with that. It’s ok.
It’s ok to be a stay at home Mumma. That’s just fine whether you were a career woman, might be in the future or never were at all! You are not any less because you choose to raise your children. As the cliche goes: is there a more important job? And if you choose to work, to use childcare in any form; if you find comfort or flexibility or practicality or just necessity in that choice – it’s ok! You are an awesome Mumma too of course. You know what it is also ok to make that choice and feel scared about it and feel uncertain about things, to tweak and alter them to the comfort of your child or to just watch them fall into place and be confident with it. It’s ok to find a solution that meets and respects your childs needs. Your parenting is not defined by these singular choices but by your person together with every aspect of your life and the years of love that you infuse into your days as the Mumma.
It’s ok to connect with any mother on any level and any child and any family whether they live like you, or not. Because this world is full of love. And people are wonderful. And different. And wonderful.
I’m sure there are more so please do add your own ‘It’s OK’ in comments.
And if none of this applies to you, if none of this speaks to your soul as something you needed to hear in your heart – that’s OK too. Maybe you have a friend who you think needs to hear it, please feel free to forward it to them xx
Sending blessings and exuberant energies out into the ethos, to you.